(Maybelline Color Sensational Powder Mattes in  Mauve it Up and  Make Me Blush from Watsons, P299)
Maybelline Philippines recently released the Powder Mattes. With 15 bold shades to choose from – from romantic reds and darling pinks, to flattering nudes – I was so excited to try them. We all know that the Creamy Mattes collection was, possibly, the best drugstore launch last year locally. It was part of my Best of 2016: Beauty – Clay ...
Make-up, Photography: Elisa Aquino / Modeling, Styling: Niki Colet
We were 2 gawky girls fawning over Makati’s red light district – in chunky heels – mesmerized by the glaring signages, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, and the occasional foreigner with a young Filipina. It was a bizarre side of Manila we hardly saw, and it was fantastic.
We found ourselves at Filling Station, a 24-hour authentic American diner playing good ...
Japan has always been a special place for me. Immersing myself in Haruki Murakami’s captivating world as a 20-year-old led me to dream of a country of color and solitude. I lived vicariously through his lonely, pensive male characters. Visiting Tokyo, then, was a dream I kept reliving, and I had the opportunity to continue my love affair with Japan – this time in Osaka.
From crowded subways littered with homegrown clothing ...
It all started with a blog entry. I love Christ, why am I still depressed? started a conversation with a number of people – most especially Christians. Apparently, this topic doesn’t receive much recognition from the Church. People shy away from discussing mental health issues because, supposedly, it presents a weak kind of faith. I entertained earnest e-mails from strangers, I “counselled” young girls that experience depression and anxiety, and I even published an article on it. Well, to be completely honest, I felt like such a fraud.
I wrote this unexpected piece at a season of my life when I was going through a whirlwind of joyous emotions. I was treading on high places. An hour after I published the entry, I arrived at the airport for my first (and only) international trip of the year. A month after that, I was a speaker at a prestigious Blog Conference and shared my journey as a blogger – 7 years of being one. On the same day, I relaunched my blog after 2 years of arduous planning. A month after, I got baptized on my very first retreat – after five years of surrendering my life to Christ. That was my life, and I experienced one dizzying activity after the other. I (secretly) questioned the authenticity of my depression since I didn’t experience an episode for a while. I also understood how more people suffer from depression and anxiety but with a deeper severity than I do. I felt that invalidated my past. But now, now I am at a very different season. I am still, I am waiting, and I am paralyzed.
These days, I catch myself innocently asking why God still wakes me up every morning. I’m not suicidal – not anymore – but I feel these occasional, unexplainable bouts of hopelessness caused by the simplest of things: a sudden thought about the future, a fight, even a Facebook post. These can’t seem to be cured by consistent Bible reading, devotionals, and worship. I question, again and again, how this is possible considering I lead a very good life. My God, He gives me more than I deserve. I can’t fathom how a girl who could have the audacity to entitle her blog She Makes Him Known would want to stop existing because she suffers from anxiety – for moments, days, weeks, and even months.
I ask God to take this away. Don’t get me wrong, I do. I tell myself, maybe if I pray harder, if I could be more diligent with my Bible reading, if I could attend Sunday service every week, it would be completely gone. Then, I wouldn’t have to keep doubting this sovereign God I serve whose promises I know prove true and victorious for all my days. Maybe, if I just lift this weight I can no longer carry, I would have the boldness to carry the weight of other people who depend so much on me. Maybe, then, I would have a faith that I could be proud of. Now, I am just ashamed of who I am, of how much time and energy I waste on things I cannot control because I can’t seem to find – not even from God – the strength to fill the space of who I am at this moment to get me to who I want to be.
I get nothing but silence. And, I plead with Him, “God, why won’t you take this away? Why is this heart still so heavy and stubborn?”
Well, I’ve learned to trust – even with hands that don’t want to grasp Eternity and a heart that is so hardened – that in this season of uncertainty, lacking, and fear, somewhere in the crevices of my weak,
Althea Korea’s Anti-Pollution Box (P1,450 – originally worth P5,020)
Living in Manila takes a toll on me, especially as a regular commuter. An environment so hostile to skin needs its recuperation at the end of the day that’s why I was ecstatic – an understatement – when the wonderful Althea pixies mailed me their Anti-Pollution Box to try!
I subscribe to the Korean 10-Step Skin Care Routine I rave about endlessly, and choosing the right products for ...