When God Feels like An Afterthought
There will be a distinct time in your life when you finally come to understand who God is and more importantly, how He loves you. This does not necessarily mean that you will go through life sure of all things. The rock that you stand from may be firm and unshakeable but there will be storms far too strong for you to stay still and calm.
You can spend years educating yourself with endless theology but still not be transformed. You can hear the deafening and persistent words surrender, salvation, and grace countless of times without understanding how your life is a ferocious, meandering example of it all. God can be so near yet feel so very distant. He may be your Creator, your Genesis but you can spend years being strangers.
The one thing you learn when you do the irreparable decision of knowing Christ – with all your heart and soul – is God can be a blazing fire too bright to go unnoticed but sometimes, He is but an infinitesimal spark that only in our silence and stillness do we see.
The beginning feels like any relationship: fresh, exhilarating, and magnificent. You cannot get enough of His presence. The purpose of your existence is all too clear and it is to glorify Him. But soon enough, the reality sinks in. There will be days when God feels like an afterthought. He will be silent and still when you need him to be loud and moving.
There will be countless of days when your passion is replaced with apathy. When you can go weeks without praying and feel no shame. When His faithful words no longer resonate inside your soul. There will be no visions, no life-changing moments, and no emotional outbursts. But maybe this is how it is supposed to be. When we find fulfillment in a relationship that is not fueled by emotions that come and go. When we stutter and fall too short of a God great enough who encompasses all our weaknesses we are too proud to show. When we finally understand that prayer is not merely an act we do out of obligation and praise, but as humans, a consistent deed we do to remind ourselves that we need God, more than anything else in our lives.
Maybe we don’t understand that God is silent because He is so close. That He is still because He is everywhere all at once.
We must not be fearful that our relationship with Jesus can end up like that of our relationships with other flawed humans such as ourselves – who stay and go as they please. God is with you when He is at the center, He is still with you when He is just a passing thought. He is with you in your tears, and He is with you in your tranquility. Nothing will ever keep Him away from you even if you try.
Find God in the mundane. Worship God in the every day normalcy of your life. Seek God even in His silence. And, love Him in His stillness.