New Rules: Everything I Want to Tell Women Who Settle
In Dua Lipa’s New Rules MV, you see a group of beautiful women – with mascara-dripped faces and blinding highlight – “supporting” one another (emotionally) in a singsong, theatrical production. As of writing, it has 33M views – pretty sure because many can relate. Let me tell you something, it’s everything I want to tell my friends who settle.
Now, don’t get me wrong…I’ve been there, and my closest friends can attest to that (with my desperate text messages at 3AM all in CAPS LOCK – because FEELINGS). Having said that, I’ve also met and comforted way too many heartbroken women who have felt abandoned. Sometimes, we persist to stay in situations that don’t benefit us but we’re too caught up in the person, in the feeling that we need to be reminded that, really, we don’t need to. This may be a part of life but that’s it; don’t let it become your life. Let this be your salvation: love doesn’t need to be complicated. If you’re trying too hard, there may be something wrong.
Ladies, you are not just somebody’s “afterthought.”
You are not a chance lost *cough Jollibee TVC cough,* you are, first and foremost, a choice. Stay away from boys who only seek your presence when it’s convenient. Never compromise your standards to fit someone in the picture. If you have different beliefs, if you’re running towards opposite directions, it’s time to be firm and stand your ground.
Never act on your emotions when you’re lonely.
I’ve been there. 12AM messages left “seen” you immediately regret until the wee hours of the morning. (Girl, sayang ‘yung skin care mo, itulog mo na lang ‘yan – ikagaganda mo pa!) It’s okay to be lonely, but how do you respond to it? If you think you’ll find a good man on some hook-up app or in a bar, please reconsider. I know the attention is so enthralling, and you hunger for it, but there is so much on the line. I say this all the time but lead your heart before it leads you.
Handle your expectations.
Correct me if I’m wrong but so many of our deepest hurts come from unmet expectations. Before we put the “blame” on the other party…kayo ba talaga or is it just a M(alabong) U(sapan)? If a guy can’t bravely put himself to lay it out then you have every right to ask for clarity.
You don’t have to work for anybody’s attention.
A good man won’t stop at anything if he really likes you. You are worth pursuing. Call me old-fashioned but it is the man’s job to initiate.Take this (and everything else I say, really) with a grain of salt. If you end up second-guessing your words and actions again and again – almost to the point of crippling self-doubt and self-loathing – it’s time to stop and evaluate your circumstances.
“A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy or enough. She knows in her quiet center where God dwells that He finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in Him, she is enough. In fact, the only thing getting in the way of our being fully captivating and enjoyed is our striving. This is why we must keep asking. Ask Jesus to show you your beauty. Ask Him what He thinks of you as a woman. His words to us let us rest and unveil our beauty.”
(Stasi and John Eldredge, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of A Woman’s Soul)
Bottom line, if you’re settling for cheap imitations of love, you are doing yourself a disservice. Honor your heart, and give yourself the respect you deserve. Simple lang ‘yan, if you can’t give your best friend the “love” you have now, then why would you allow yourself to be in that situation? Ipaglaban mo naman ang sarili mo.
The road to love, the real and God kind, is filled with detours but trust that taking the road less travelled – to wait and make honorable decisions you can be proud of – frees you from unnecessary hurt and drama. Give your energy to something more worth your time. Surround yourself with people who you can be accountable to and who could lovingly rebuke you when you’re making problematic decisions.
From one struggling woman to another, you are beautiful and so is your heart. Guard it for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23). Believe me when I say there is glorious love stored up for you that won’t make you doubt yourself. It is unrelenting and true. Don’t settle for anything else.
If you had the opportunity to talk to a younger you, what would you tell her about love? Leave your answers in the comments below! ❤