At the beginning of the week, I was a wretched mess.
I found myself alone inside the chapel of my Church wrestling with Jesus, crying out, echoing the same sentiments again and again, desperately yearning for better circumstances. I welcomed fear and anxiety to dwell deep within the crevices of my heart. With an empty pack of tissue in hand and muffled sobs, I left, and I was perplexed to find that pain turned into peace and doubt into clarity. His silence spoke volumes to my rebellious soul – more than His words ever could.
Christ continues to purify my understanding of His character time and time again. In soul-shattering moments, He reveals another layer, which I can only fully take in through reaching a new level of (spiritual and emotional) maturity. The pursuit may take moments, days, and even seasons to gloriously unfold but when it does, I am renewed, I am transformed.
Yet, I find myself in a standstill. If it takes an (almost) quarter-life crisis, a broken heart (then), an endless list of rejections (and so on…) to fully and courageously grow into my being, where is God in my unremarkable days?
Read: Jon Bloom, God Is at Work in Your Unremarkable Days via Desiring God
Where is God in moments I could so easily forget – while waiting for the train to board, while getting a sandwich from the nearest convenience store, while walking home? How does God move in instants of stillness and familiarity? Well, I find my God to be the same – as compassionate, as insurmountable, as infallible as He has always been. I learn to trust the silence by moving, by seeking. These become opportunities for unrelenting grace to cover me with humble purpose as I slowly and clumsily make my way towards His unending truth and goodness. At the end of the day, His presence is the gift, His goodness is the wonder in itself.
You see, Christ cannot always offer powerful breakthroughs and discoveries. Growth does not end when our emotions and our passions do. Genuine faith does not anchor itself to something as completely ephemeral as emotions. I want to spend more time taking in the normalcy of every day without expecting tiny miracles along the way. I want to find God where I am, exactly where He chooses to reveal Himself to me – in the now.
“There is no substitute for being alone with God. If you don’t have time, you need to quit something to make room. Skip a meal. Cancel a meeting. End some regular commitment. There is literally nothing more important you could do today.
Could anything be more important than meeting with the One who decides if you live through this day? Could anything be better? How can we not make time to be with the Maker of time? What plans do you have today that you think so important that you would race past the Creator to get to them?”