I am terribly afraid of becoming a person who only goes places because it is good content and attention for my social media platforms.
There, I said it.
At the beginning of the year, I promised myself I would stop my senseless spending (on books, beauty products, clothing) and take my hard-earned money and start creating memories elsewhere. This is a resolution I fulfilled because of my intentional shopping ban and some little miracles from the Great Provider. Now, this is something new to me because I have never been too fond of uncomfortable experiences plus – being the youngest child amongst my siblings – having too much independence. My friends tell me this is a new side of me they never thought would be possible, and I have to agree. I have made too much excuses to forego the possibility of travel simply because of fear of the unknown. It scares me to think that I actually booked my very first flight without any family members to a foreign country (with just a friend), and I fly in April. I tell you, this newfound freedom is both completely life-changing and at the same time, paralyzing.
I see my flawlessly filtered Instagram feed championing this dynamic way of living: communing with nature, feeding on new experiences, and refusing dullness. It thrills me to see this new version of myself I only dreamed of becoming but it makes me question my motives again and again.
Months ago, I lost my phone during a short trip to Singapore. I believe, I knew I was heartbroken, not because a year’s worth of memories were stored in the device but because I was in uncharted territory, and no one would know about it. I could be experiencing a night out at the red light district tasting their street food for the very first time, taking in Little India’s tapestry of colors, and finding Jojo Moyes’ After You at the airport bookstore but why should it matter, right, when I cannot even capture it for the entire Instagram population to see?
I am starting to be so consumed with this new way of life; I feel like every single free day I have should be spent living up to this, should I say, commitment. I see my Instagram feed, and I am alarmed that I have not posted in two weeks because, having been educated by life, everything else cannot compare.
Is it just me or do you also feel the same way?