She Makes Him Known - When You Don’t Live Up to Your Expectations

When You Don’t Live Up to Your Expectations

I already had my future planned.

At 23, I would be (successfully) self-employed. I would have my own studio juggling one project after another – completely lost in this whirlwind of captivating busyness, which brought me instant validation for years. I would have the luxury to write from home or whichever part of the world I would fly off to, on a whim. This online platform would be more blown-up than it is now, reaching multitudes of readers from all continents. More importantly, I would have already made a brand out of myself.

That is not the case. This glorious fantasy is completely foreign and far-fetched…as of the moment.

I have been at the same place for the last two years, a creative slave to my entertainment-savvy Filipino brothers and sisters from all walks of life. I hardly touched my blog on my first year of full-fledged, confusing, and liberating adulthood. I rarely book jobs, and when I do have the chance to work elsewhere, I am oftentimes too tired to even accept.

That is the truth, and I am pretty okay with that.

I write to my readers through the heart-wrenching pain, the undeserved goodness, and the inexorable beauty of life. I read voraciously, traveling to endless, inexhaustible worlds when I have to be still and unmoving. I try to be kind to every single person I encounter, and when I fail because I am finite, I am weary, I apologize. I pray in crowded streets, in almost empty trains, in my isolated cubicle – even when I don’t feel like it. I try to be more intentional with my relationships, I try to be present – I try so very much.

I am conquering my own selfish desires and aspirations allowing every single day to fill me with gratitude and beauty. It may be quiet, it may be unremarkable but it is a life built on purpose. I have learned to embrace delay because it is not denial. It is merely a refocusing on more important things, such as my character and my spirit.

There are days when I will feel insignificant, days when I see everyone doing everything else I am not, and that does not make me any less important.

My path is solely my own. My timeline is no one else’s.

I (must) wait, and in the waiting, may I be moved, may I be transformed.






COMMENTS

  • Hi Elisa! I just to share a verse about time and chance. It’s Ecclesiates 9:11-12. What I learnt from those verses is that every purpose has a time and every time has a purpose.

    You will have your chance, and when you do, you will be the best that you can be.

    God bless you!

    PS I’m a new reader 🙂

    • Aw, hello Keilah! Welcome to my blog! 💘

      Thank you so much for taking the time to share those verses with me…I truly appreciate it. I’ll reflect on them before I go to sleep. So amazed by your kindness. 😊

      I actually wrote this a year ago, and I just decided to share it because it spoke to me again. Things continue to get even better, and I can only keep thanking Jesus for His relentless love and guidance. I pray the same for you. 🌸

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